Am I a GOOD ENOUGH Father?

3/1/2009

Do you ever wonder if your life as comic has caused you to be less than best as a father to your children? Certainly the life of a comic with time spent on the road exacts many costs. But the cost on the health and development of your children is one that could result in very hurtful feelings or resentment toward you and your career.

Recently I was reading in Matthew chapter 3 about the baptism of Jesus. When Jesus was baptized Scripture says that a voice came out of heaven audibly saying, "this is my son, whom I love, in whom I am well-pleased. As I read that it became clear that our heavenly Father was giving us a formula to use that will help us meet the deepest needs of our children. If Jesus needed to hear it, how much more do we?

Point #1: This is MY son. (AFFINITY)
How many times as a kid did we brag on our dad? My dad can beat your dad. My dad can do anything! My dad single-handedly saved the planet from destruction. The point is we all long for our Dad to want us. We long for our Dad to say you're MY son. I remember one day saying to my only son at the time. "Of all the boys in the whole wide world I could have as a son, you know who I'd choose to be my son?" Then I looked him square in the eyes and said, "I CHOOSE YOU!" That's the desire of every child to feel that our fathers want us and want to identify with us. When that doesn't happen counterfeit "fathers" take their place with gangs and inappropriate friends. Look what Hitler did with a generation of fatherless youth in Germany by calling the country "THE FATHERLAND." Tell your children that you are proud they share your name and that they belong to you.

Point #2: Whom I LOVE. (AFFECTION)
Father hunger is a deep need of every human. Unfortunately many people are starved emotionally and may never hear those most precious of words, "I LOVE YOU."
In college I was suspended for ...well, just know I was suspended and was asked to vacate the Christian college for 5 days. Before I could get a place to stay and call my parents about what had happened, someone had already called my father and broke the news. That night I called and instead of my Dad giving me the 5th degree (which I probably deserved) he broke rank with tradition and said, "Son, despite all the things that you do all remember that I LOVE YOU very much!" I was so taken back by that statement and so starved to hear it that honestly I think it was worth getting suspended just to hear my Dad say those magically healing words. "I LOVE YOU."
Be sure to tell your children how much you love them. Don't leave them emotionally emaciated waiting a lifetime to hear you declare your affection. If you have to, quit reading this article and pick up the phone and call your children right now. It's that important.

Point #3: In whom I am WELL-PLEASED. (AFFIRMATION)
You know the interesting point of the Father saying this to Jesus is that this is before Jesus ever did a single miracle. The Father was pleased with Jesus because He was obedient. Want to please your Father in heaven? Obey his Word. Want to please your earthly father? Obey his words too.
You can get a man to do just about anything in this world if you will PRAISE him. We men are suckers for praise. Women know this. That's how they get things done! But each of us hungers and desires to know that we are pleasing to others. It's part of our DNA to be in community with others and praise and affirmative statements help us to feel that we belong. Your children need to be affirmed too. Find ways to praise them but be careful. You don't need to praise them because of some great accomplishment. That could lead to a dysfunctional "performanced-based" acceptance and could result in them wanting to become a comedian. (Heaven forbid) Just praise them for who they are. Find ways to praise their character more than their accomplishments. Oh how we long for Daddy's approving eye, or nod, or the "adda boy." Strong affirmation is the glue to a great relationship.

Want to be the best Dad you can be? Try adding these key elements to your fathering style and see if it doesn't pay long-lasting dividends in the life of your children. AFFINITY, AFFECTION and AFFIRMATION.